I wish the summer would go on, and on

The dream had been echoing through her head for weeks. She rarely remembered her dreams, waking to an odd feeling of confusion and vague details falling away from her as she tried to pick them out. But this dream had haunted her. She sat at her desk in the publishing company, chewing on the end of her pen and staring vacantly out the window as she recounted the details in her head for the millionth time.

Leila had been sitting in the swing where David had first tracked her down and they'd spoken. The wind rushed through her hair as she swung back and forth, closing her eyes and leaning back like she always did, hands clutching the chains tightly. She sat up, legs pumping to keep her moving. She felt hands touch her back as she swung backwards, and she dug her heels into the soft sand until she came to a stop, jumping up and turning around.

There stood David, a bouquet of flowers in one hand, and a small ring box in the other, smiling at her as he approached.

The dream flashed forward, and Leila and David were fighting, Leila grabbing things near at hand and throwing them hard at David's head, David ducking and screaming at her. When she ran out of things to throw she began kicking things over until David came over to her, grabbing her forearms as she started to swing wildly at him. He forced her to sit down, and Leila glared at him, watching him as he left the apartment. Leila looked down at her hand, pulling the silver wedding band off and throwing it after him.

Time sped up again, showing Leila and David signing papers, each sitting next to a suited lawyer across a long table in an empty conference room. Leila refused to look at David, arms crossed tightly over her chest and studying the walls. David glared at Leila, spewing insults under his breath, making special mention of what a whore she was. Leila felt the barbs being thrown at her and turned to stare out the window as tears broke free of her eyes and streamed down her cheeks.

Leila shook herself out of being caught back in the dream, feeling extremely nauseous. With a heavy sigh, she logged out of her computer and turned off her office lights, heading toward David's studio downstairs. She wasn't going to talk about it, but she needed to stop panicking about it. She knew they'd reached a point in their relationship that they'd either get married or break up, but she didn't want to be that girl.

All she wanted was to keep things the way they were now.

Leila left work early, stopping by Rachel's to hang out for a bit. They'd not seen each other much since the wedding, and Leila missed her.

She always believed that women were too crazy to really invest any time in friendships with, but Rachel was different. Maybe it was because they'd grown up together, maybe it was that they were cousins, but Rachel didn't judge. She didn't make Leila feel like she was being critiqued with every passing glance, and Rachel didn't blabber on about the latest shoes she bought, or the last pound she gained. They talked about real life, Rachel complaining about the sex with Joel becoming stale and how she'd wanted to call Barry, her ex, even if all Barry did talk about was coming on her face.

The front door was open, the screen pulled shut in the fading summer heat. Fall had just started to get it's grip on the trees, not yet having made it to chilling the air. "It's me, Leila. I'm coming in!" She pulled the door open, stepping in to hear bustling in the kitchen. As she turned the corner and went down the wide hall, she could see the blonde hunched over the kitchen counter fiddling with one thing or another. "Hey." Leila smiled, setting her purse on the table in the informal dining area.

"Oh! Hi! I was just getting some tea." Rachel grinned across the counter at Leila, who immediately began laughing.

"Tea? Really? Are we those people now?" She grinned back and put her hands on her hips, sauntering her way around the kitchen counter. "Have you become that domesticated that the first thing you thought to make was tea?"

Rachel grabbed the towel hanging off the oven door and whipped it at Leila. "Yes. Now shut the fuck up and help me carry this out to the patio, damn it."

"Well, fuck you." Leila laughed again and grabbed the tray, heading toward the slightly ajar sliding glass door, which she pushed open fully with her foot. "Had I known we were going to be all proper, I'd have dressed for the occasion."

"Eh, whatever. I wanted tea, you were coming over, it all became... a thing." Once everything was set down and they both had their hands free, Rachel extended her arms out and moved into Leila, wrapping her in a hug. Leila smiled and hugged her back tightly. "So, how've you been? I know we've talked on the phone here and there, but you seem... different, somehow. Something has changed. And I know of no changes."

"I'm good. Changed jobs... Maybe that's it." She smirked, knowing Rachel would have none of it. "Okay. So, you remember that guy at the wedding? White shirt, a little more intense than any one person should be? Well, that's David." As she paused to drink some tea, she watched as Rachel's eyes lit up. "Yes, I know. It's a big deal that I actually know his name. Anyway, we'd been seeing each other for awhile before the wedding. Nothing exclusive, but y'know. Things happen. Long story short, right before the wedding I freaked out because I felt something, ran, then realized my mistake only to have him reject me, and at the wedding he was un-rejecting me, as it were." She sighed quickly, setting her teacup down resulting in a small tinking noise. "So, since then, we've basically moved in together, and he's working full time on his photography while I work at a publishing company a friend of his runs. It's been... Oddly perfect." She blushed, smiling and biting her lower lip.

"Awwww, Lei!! I'm happy for you!! You needed that. I was worried you were going to end up with some incurable vagina disease and die from lack of sex. This just sews it up for you, right?" Leila gasped in mock offense, kicking Rachel playfully under the table.

"You're one to talk!! What about you? Joel still only willing to do it missionary and Barry still trying to come on your face again or stick it in your ass?" Leila laughed and dodged the napkin that came flying at her.

The laughter, talking and tea continued for another hour, until Joel came home and began to commandeer Rachel from Leila. Finally, when Leila had had enough, she said her goodbyes and headed home. She found the apartment dark, wondering to herself where David was, since he should've been home by then. She wandered in, dropping her bag by the door and heading into the bedroom to change.

Birds of a feather flock together.

His brain worked like mine did. Like mine still does.. Not sure about his though. It seems different. I just consciously choose different paths and reactions now.

He showed me he cared through sex. I did the same with him, but I also used it as power. He begged me never to leave him, then fucked me, then I realized just how much he cared. And I ran away. I ran away and tried to get that same feeling of love, that same feeling of being whole through sex. It didn't work right that time...

When I realized it wouldn't work, not without him, that it'd gone beyond the sex and that level of anonymity, that I'd finally fallen into what I'd always fought against, I broke down. I went to see him, and he rejected me, simply because I'd hurt him so badly.

The two of us were so emotionally stunted... It's amazing we managed to function at all, really. I guess we just learn from each other, grow through each other, realize our mistakes and forgive the other for them. We're flawed, but our flaws compliment each other.

He keeps me satisfied in ways I never knew I needed.

Sometimes, she'd wake up suddenly, a thin layer of cold sweat covering her skin, feeling sick all over. She was sure she was alone, that he'd left and he wasn't going to come back. She'd lost him, and things were never going to be the same.

Most times, she'd look over and see him lying there next to her, sleeping quietly. She'd calm down, watch him breathe for awhile, then nod off again. It was the times that he wasn't there that she'd panic.

This was one of those nights. She sat up, her breathing shallow and quick. There was a metallic taste in her mouth, and she felt like she might lose the battle of keeping what was in her stomach down. Looking around quickly, David was no where to be seen, and in her confused state she immediately began panicking.

He's gone. He hates me for what I was. He doesn't love me anymore.

Her heart raced, and she got up, walking out of their bedroom to find him asleep on the couch. As always, she immediately felt like a moron. Smirking to herself, she walked to the couch, reaching over and shaking him lightly by the shoulder.

"Come to bed."

He looked up at her with groggy eyes, then mindlessly rolled off the couch and stumbled to the bedroom with Leila on his heels. She crawled into bed after him, allowing him to shift until he was comfortable, then matched his form with hers, drifting back off to sleep quickly.

She'd been dancing for about an hour, and hadn't found anyone of interest, anyone who'd touched her the way she wanted to be touched. Leila was quickly becoming bored, and was about ready to leave the club when she spotted him. He was coming at her, walking slowly and trying not to be too obvious. And to most, he probably wouldn't have been, but Leila knew too well. She knew how to read men better than most people could read a book, and she immediately responded.

Pulling away from the two boys who'd been rubbing against her like horny dogs, she sized him up. He was tall, much taller than she was. Broad shoulders, short hair, large hands, long legs.. He'll do. He'll do just fine. With a smirk, she cut the gap between them to nil, her arms nearly limp at her sides as she matched his stance and looked up at him, watching his eyes, his mouth. Before he spoke, she tilted her head bringing a hand up and pressing her finger to his lips. She lifted her eyebrow, pushing her hips forward into him. His arm looped around her waist, pulling her forward even more. She smiled up at him, turning with him, swaying, allowing him to manipulate her the way he wanted. He'd learn soon enough he had no control.

( Moving past the dance. [Hard R, possible NC-17 if you're easily offended] )

Standing outside the house she grew up in, where her parents had lived up until a few months ago when their divorce became final and the property was sold off in the final settlement, she cries silently.

The heat from summer is cut by the rain that has started falling, hitting the hot asphalt and steaming. Leila leans against the tree in the yard, the one that used to have a tire swing hanging from the large branch that has since been removed. Everything that used to comfort her about her home is now gone, and she lacks the strength to properly mourn the loss.

Pulling out her cell phone, she flips it open and stares at it for a second has small droplets of water collect on the screen. She presses buttons until she gets to the contact she wants, then puts the phone to her ear. When his voice answers, she smiles to herself.

"Hey... Want to go get some coffee? Oh, yeah... Okay. Yeah, sure. Later. Love you too. Bye Dad." Biting her lower lip as she closes her phone, she lets her head drop hard back onto the trunk of the tree. Wiping at her cheeks, she turns and leaves the yard with a last longing glance over her shoulder.

Her walk home is quick, increasing her pace as she gets closer, cutting through yards and fields. The top layer of her hair is damp, along with her clothes being slightly moist from the rain. Unlocking the door to her apartment, she slams the door behind her and presses her back into it, taking a couple deep breaths.

"Hey baby! I ordered pizza. It should be here soon. How was work?" As he rounded the corner, Leila straitened herself out, smiling at him as she walked forward and set her purse down on the small kitchen table. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Rough day. I'm fine." She leaned in and pressed her lips to his gently, pulling back a little distance and looking up into his dark eyes, then leaning forward and kissing him again. "How was your day?"

As David told her about his day, she smiled like nothing was wrong, cuddling up to him on the couch as they watched TV and ate dinner, just being with each other until it was time to go to bed.

My name is Leila.

That's all most people whom I've interacted with will ever know about me. And even that might be more than they know.

Some would've called me a nymphomaniac. I called myself liberated. I called myself equal, being able to do what most men would do in a weekend, and not worry about being called a whore.

But, really, I was a whore. Just without pay.

I've grown past that part of my life. All the parties, all the random partners.. It seems now like such a stupid thing to have done. Granted, it was easier then. I never worried about jealousy, hurting someone with something I said or did, making sure to include someone in my daily life. I lived for me, and it was just easier that way.

But was it fulfilling? No. Not emotionally, at least. I never realized I needed to be loved. Outside platonic love, I mean. I never realized I had so much love to give, either.

Yeah, it all sounds really cliche. But it is what it is. He makes me happy, and I'd like to think I make him happy. And I no longer deal with life the way I used to.

Everything looks different. Feels different. Is different.

As she brushed her teeth, she glanced in the mirror quickly, seeing David sleeping on the bed behind her. She smiled to herself before leaning over and spitting out the excess toothpaste, going back to brushing with vigor. She'd never been happier, even though she thought this could never happen.

Leila frowned on relationships that went beyond 'I'll call you when I need you' or 'that was fun, let's do it again sometime' with no expectation of ever hearing from that person again. Sometimes, names weren't even exchanged, just a physical need satisfied. It was easier that way. Emotions just complicated things.

But he'd changed all that. He's forced her to learn not only about what love was, but who she was. He'd forced her to realize she did what she did looking for what he gave her. All that mindless sex, all that running from party to party looking to get off, it was all the manifestation of her need to be loved. And he gave that to her. Yes, sometimes she wanted to run away, to go back to her old life, but his love always brought her back.

After she rinsed her mouth, she turned and pressed her back into the edge of the sink, watching his back as it rose and fell with his sleeping breath. Tilting her head, she pushed forward off the sink and crawled across the bed, sliding a hand up his bare back until her fingers tangled into his dark hair, pressing her body along side his until he stirred and looped his arm around her waist. He turned onto his side, pulling her into his chest and burying his head in her neck.

"Don't go."

"I've got to. Work called. They need me in."

"No. You're not leaving."

His muffled whine made her laugh, and she kissed the top of his head. "Love you. I'll be back." She wiggled out of his grasp and watched him for a second as he slumped back down into the bedding and dozed again before she stood to leave. The idea of loving something so much scared her to her very core, but somehow, some way, she knew it was worth it.